Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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