So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
