if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
