My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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