Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
