I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
