i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
