I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
