I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
