I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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