MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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