fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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