): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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