I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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