Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
