Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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