So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
