I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
