Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
