i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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