In the future we'll all be gay
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
