I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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