Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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