I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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