when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
