All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
