it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
