is your mom at the bar?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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