Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
tell me about the eggs
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