I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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