I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
