I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
