In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
