So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
