I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
