tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
