apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
