the condom got lost in my hair
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
