Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
