he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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