Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im six kinds of drunk right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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