Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
