hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Never underestimate the power of titties
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
