we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
