The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
