I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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