Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
