You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
