I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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