Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Found your dick twin last night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
