WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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