It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
